Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize