I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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