just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
