fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
