It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
