he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
