Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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