if you like me you must not know who I am
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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