Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
