I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My pussy is not your playground.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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