this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
