All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
