He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
