Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
