I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
