Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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