I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
