im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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