1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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