possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
