You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
