got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
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