I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
