I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize