he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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