Got a toothbrush?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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