oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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