do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
