No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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