And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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