Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
