so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
