it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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