Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
