You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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