lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize