i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
