I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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