john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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