I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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