i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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