My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
