I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
