i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
