He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
