i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
