Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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