apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
