my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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