so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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