I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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