your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
