bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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