she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
