so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
