I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why is there bacon in the couch?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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