im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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