i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Who died my cat blue again?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize