some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
