i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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