There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
