If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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