i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
