Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
