she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize