Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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