so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it's great music for shaving your balls
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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