I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize