Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
